I’ve been really quiet lately because I have a lot going on in my life. I finally broke up with my boyfriend but we are still friends. We decided not to let anyone know that we broke up in order to avoid any crossfire with our friends/family but somehow a lot of people have found out because my phone has been blown up like fuckin’ Hiroshima ever since. I’ve been in some kind of relationship for the last eight years and I’m finally single. The man I was with for three and a half years was in no way affectionate and never wanted to go out or be with family and friends nor did he take me being with friends and family very kindly. It was hell trying to weasel my way out of this relationship. After going back and forth for years and years, crying out to family and constantly asking for the guidance of friends I finally did it. I ruined his day, broke his heart and walked away feeling only slightly relieved because even after he snuffed out my desire to be desired, broke my face and isolated me for so long I still loved/love him.
You’d think being single would make me feel excited to go on dates or hang out with all the people I hardly/never could because of the man I was dating. But I long for nothing more than complete silence. I lost my phone yesterday and it was the most relaxing day. I don’t want to be around anyone, not even family. Maybe that’s my lingering depression but who cares. There’s only been a few moments since the break up where I’ve wanted to cut but I have my roommates to distract me.
I now live with two of the most amazing people on the face of the earth, Dan and Emily. They have only been my friends for about 8 months but I can talk to them and lean on them as if we’ve been friends for a decade. They, among many other people begged me to leave Brandon time after time after time. I come home from work just about every day to something I haven’t had in sooooo long-support, space, laughter and just enough company. They never pry at or crowd me, my anxiety has decreased by a long shot and I’ve lost eight pounds. Even though my allergies hate me for deciding to live with four cats I bear through it because living with this quirky couple has opened my eyes to an example of how love should look. Although I’m sure they have their flaws, they laugh, hold hands, exchange a kiss no matter who’s looking and support each other NO MATTER WHAT.
So this is a little update on my life for anyone who’s been waiting for one.
I’ll be on every so often but I’m really trying to get my life together and find a new job. Right now I work for Apu at the QuickieMart and it constantly reminds me why I hate people of all shapes and colors. One of these days I’m going to jump over the counter and rip out someone’s esophagus over a goddamn slurpie.
btw I’m going to Finalnd in January.